There are incredibly complicated variations of co-parenting relationships, but in this article, I focus on supporting Divorced, Single Moms who have strained relationships with their male exes. Not every co-parenting situation is sunshine and roses. In fact, most co-parenting relationships have some sort of strain in the years of parenting a child into adulthood and beyond. Now, I have seen plenty of healthy co-parent relationships outside of my psychotherapy practice, but mainly worked with strained, tumultuous and sometimes toxic co-parenting relationships. Part of my goal in Life Coaching is to help Divorced, Single Moms not just cope, but thrive, in co-parenting relationships.
First, there is a reason that you are reading this article. You may be wondering how you will ever get along with a person that you never really wanted to see again, let alone stay in consistent contact with them. But, guess what? Welcome to the real world. You will have to do hard things, uncomfortable things, for your beautiful children for many years to come. You can learn how to set boundaries and manage this relationship in a more positive and meaningful way. This is just part of what I will do as your Life Coach.
Step 1-Let your co-parent ex know that you will only check communication on a weekly basis through an app (CareApp is the one I use-it is free and easy to navigate), unless it is urgent or an emergency. Do not constantly send text messages or call your ex on every detail about your child. Through CareApp you can receive email notifications to check them each week on a designated day.
Step 2- Learn to accept that there is a reason that you divorced this person and there are negative things about them that do not need to be a part of your life anymore. Acceptance is a powerful mindset that will set you free. I can help you break free from negative mindsets and release power that your ex has on your energy. Take some deep breaths before responding.
Step 3- Do not allow your child to be the one communicating any information to your ex. YOU are the parent and should only be the one to communicate details of any changes to him. Your children will thank you in the end for not burdening them with this negativity.
Step 4- When you do read and respond to messages from you ex: Stop. Breathe. Think. Then, mindfully respond in a business like manner only. Keep it brief with as little detail as possible and still accomplishing the goal of communicating in the best interest of the children. He doesn't need a well thought out dissertation on the latest injury your child received on the playground. He's a grown man who can ask questions, call you or ask your child when he sees them next. This is called active, healthy communication. Many of us do not have this skill and need to learn it. Even if we are educated, professional, independent and mindful women. Emotions can get the better of us at times.
If you enjoyed reading this and would like to explore more topics in your life like this...sign up for a free mini session with me! I would love to be your Life Coach! Visit my website to schedule a mini session at www.beyoutifultransformations.org